Life - The living response to everything around me.
Once a month I leave my place of work and travel for the day marketing outpatient rehab services. I usually get home an hour earlier on these days since I do not break for lunch. I usually eat my lunch in the car while I am driving from place to place. This week I just happen to have almost an hour of overtime, too. As I began my travels this morning, I decided since I would be home earlier than usual I would go ahead and write for an hour. Then the dreaded but anticipated writing time would be done for the day.
Just above I said that I decided. I didn't say that I purposely decided. I didn't say I intentionally decided. I didn't say I deliberately decided. I just decided. Along the way I did not eat my lunch in the car as I usually do. I was not just hungry when I arrived at home, I was shaky. You know that feeling when you wait too long to eat and you're not only hungry but you would knock someone down if they got in the way of you eating the lunch you packed in a cooler. It took almost too much time to get a plate out of the cabinet, open the cooler that held my packed lunch, and put my food on the plate. Then I just ate. I can't say I enjoyed my lunch because I ate way too fast and ended up eating way too much. Oh and I turned on the television as I was eating. Not a good idea. AND I drank a diet drink (which I haven't had in a long time).
I didn't purposely decide any of those things. I just decided I needed to eat, I needed something to drink, and I wanted to be distracted. So I ate and drank and was distracted. To top it off I played a game on my telephone while listening to the television and finished all of that off when I ate a nutty buddy.
My hour was gone.
Did I do anything wrong? No, I didn't. BUT. . . .
what if I had decided intentionally to eat my lunch in the car?
what if I had decided deliberately to write for one hour when I arrived at home?
what if . . . . . .
Let me answer the two questions above.
- what if I had decided intentionally to eat my lunch in the car?
I would have felt better physically. I would not have been focused on feeding myself when I arrived at home. Let's look at the last sentence. "I would not have been focused on feeding myself".
You see it because it is in red. I was focused on myself.
- what if I had decided deliberately to write for one hour when I arrived at home?
I thought about writing while I was driving. Writing didn't even enter my thoughts when I arrived at home until I had already eaten, was listening to the television and playing a game on my telephone.
You see it again. Fed myself, listening with my ears to my television, playing a game on my telephone.
- what if. . . I had intentionally, deliberately, purposely put down my telephone, turned off the television?
Honestly, I didn't feel like writing after I had eaten more than I needed, drank a diet drink, and was engrossed in my game.
All of this to say that I was not Purposely Engaging and Actively Responding to Life. I was just reacting to the circumstances that I set into motion.
Nothing I did was bad. Well, the overeating wasn't wise at all. I may not be hungry for dinner and then that cycle of getting too hungry will just happen again. But, again, nothing I did was bad. I just was not purposely engaging and actively responding to the extra time I had on this day.
I've got some ideas to think about as I purposely enter into my evening at home.