Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Don't know what to title this entry!

March 29, 2016

Life -  The living response to everything around me.

I haven't been writing everyday.  In fact it's been over a week.  So many reasons.  Some valid.  Some not so.  My son and his wife visited over the Easter weekend.  So that can explain away two days.  I could go back over the past week and probably come up with why I haven't written.  The why would be some really big excuses.

I haven't written several times because it is hard.  It is hard to redirect my energy after working all day.  It is hard to be disciplined.  It is hard to not just sit on the couch and look at my telephone while listening to television.  It is hard.  It is hard.  It is hard.

Putting these words down is a challenge.  The challenge for me is that I don't want to be embarrassed. I don't want to misspell words, make grammatical mistakes, sound like a kid.  I don't want to hear that this writing is not good.  That's a lot of "I don'ts", isn't it?  It is, also, not purposely engaging and actively responding to life.  It's very similar to the saying,

“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.” -William James  http://www.successories.com/iquote/category/575/choice-quotes/3
So I've not been purposeful about my writing this "term paper". I've struggled with keeping my thoughts together.  I have never written on my laptop first.  I usually write some kind of outline on paper, you know the old fashion way, and then I flesh it out.  Trying to remember what I've already written is difficult without having notes all around me.  So why am I telling myself that this can't be done when people write a gazillion blogs a day.  People do it.  I'm a people.  So I should be able to do this thing I'm given myself to do.  

Here we go. . . .

What is it in my life that I want to purposefully engage and actively respond to?
     It's this challenge.  It's this P.E.A.R.L. thing.  
What is my purpose in engaging and actively responding in this activity?
     At the moment it's that I just want to say I'm finished with it.
What is going to get me engaged in this project?
     The fact that I have a goal - BE FINISHED - is engaging me.
What is going to keep me actively moving forward?
     The goal - BE FINISHED!  And that is the truth.  
What is my response going to be?  What is it going to be for real real??     
     I am going to make the choice to write everyday.  Instead of reacting to the roadblocks that come my way, I am going to check the roadblock out and then respond to it.  

I actually want to stop and write about reacting and responding from a personal experience. In 2005, during my annual employment review, I was asked what my goals for the coming year were. I don't have any idea what I said in reply.  I do remember that my director looked at me and said, "I have a goal for you for the coming year.  I want you to work on responding to situations instead of reacting to situations."  I did gain much knowledge while she was my director, but I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life changed as a result of the statement she said to me.  I slowly began watching my behavior.  I became aware of reactions versus responding.  In the past 11 years, I have grown and matured because of many influences in my life.  One of the biggest influences was the statement made to me during that annual review.

I will make better progress if I print out these blogs I am writing and place them in a notebook.  Then I can mark them up, make notes as ideas come to me throughout my day.  I believe it will keep me interested.  I believe it will lead to excitement.  It can't hurt.

And yeehaa - the timer just went off.  An hour is up.  Until tomorrow evening.

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